Thanks for the pointers, it's why I came here. I would like to ask a few questions then and explain my view on some points and would love more feedback since you sound pretty knowledgeable.
First off, would the story work better maybe as a two-part or even trilogy of shorts, that way I can plot out the pacing a bit better?
Instead of the Inquisition, maybe Faris could be drafted into the PDF by the plantery governor? Does the planetary governor actually have that much power? If so, then perhaps he could also have just requested aid from a nearby Space Marine chapter and I won't have to get into the Inquisition or Deathwatch too much if at all.
I do like doing xenos rather than daemons or general Chaos, though with the overarching plot I had in mind beyond Faris' story, the xenos that would make the most sense would be eldar or necrons. On the surface is there really any problem using those? Like if the planet was a necron tomb-world, would it be impossible to be an agri-world?
As for Faris' tone and mood on being drafted, it was my understanding from the research I've done that the majority of the Imperium population isn't entirely brainwashed or indoctrinated to believe dying for the Emperor is the greatest glory to be had. Faris is happy to farm and help fulfill the Imperial tithe, but believes he should have been evacuated with his family rather than pressed into military service. Yes, he has to say he will die for the Emperor, if he doesn't want the Inquisition kicking down his door. But from my understanding he is still free to think what he wants, unless Imperial citizens are brainwashed while in school or something.
As for the Space Marine chat, any problem with that?
Again, thanks for the feedback!