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post #5 of (permalink) Old 08-17-15, 01:24 PM Thread Starter
Myen'Tal
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Treesnifer View Post
The second post hit a good stride, and I'm glad you went back to edit the first.

I haven't made it to your story, the New Word, yet. I'm only about a quarter of the way through Gods Hall. But if anything, it'd be perfect if you could broaden the descriptions of the first three paragraphs before delving into the conversation. Maybe arrange their order, starting from afar and then zooming in? Sort of like "Forlorn City..." to "The New Word..." and then your intro "Dazzling sunlight..."

Your conversations are very smooth. I like that. Nothing for me to pick at there.

Nice start. I'm looking forward to reading The New Word!
Hey, Treesnifer, thanks for the comment! I'll definitely rearrange the paragraphs and work on fleshing out those descriptions when I get the chance.

Glad you're enjoying the other stuff in the meantime!

EDIT: Made the changes!

“Evil is relative…You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger.”
-Glen Cook, The Black Company


Tales of Heroism and Bravery, in the 41st Millennium and the Old World. Perhaps some Realm Gate Wars in the future .

Gods' Hall (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=161618

The New Word (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=121879

Last edited by Myen'Tal; 08-18-15 at 11:42 AM.
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