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post #4 of (permalink) Old 08-17-15, 02:39 AM
Treesnifer
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Sparks, Nevada
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The second post hit a good stride, and I'm glad you went back to edit the first.

I haven't made it to your story, the New Word, yet. I'm only about a quarter of the way through Gods Hall. But if anything, it'd be perfect if you could broaden the descriptions of the first three paragraphs before delving into the conversation. Maybe arrange their order, starting from afar and then zooming in? Sort of like "Forlorn City..." to "The New Word..." and then your intro "Dazzling sunlight..."

Your conversations are very smooth. I like that. Nothing for me to pick at there.

Nice start. I'm looking forward to reading The New Word!

The Book of Grudges will know their name.

The Worlds of J.D. Barbera
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