Quite entertaining. Some minor details that I would change.
The biggest one that I notice is that a trained soldier would never call a magazine a 'clip', so just be careful of your wording.
Other than that, it was a really fun read! Keep it up!
At thirty years out of the military, and that at the end of the peaceful years, I'll admit to my knowledge being pretty rusty.
I went back through and found a typo (and I can't find it now. bah!)
, a double punctuation, and definitely a description change. Pretty bad for a piece that has been rewritten and proofed at least four times.
Any faults you come across, don't hesitate to point out. When the money is good, I keep a membership to The Writers Village
where it is incumbent that everyone in each class give feedback to each other, so I am used to blind spots being pointed out to me. Anything I like will be followed! In this instance, clip was used to avoid magazine being repeated too quickly.
Actually, if anyone would like a glimpse into how The Village works, there is a free introductory class that starts twice a year - one being in just a couple weeks - August 26th. F2K3
is a 7 week course, each week's lesson is run by a mentor and all work is graded by peer review. After I took the F2K class a few years back, my writing improved quite a bit and I would suggest that if anyone has the time, sign up for the class. I found the class worth it.