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post #16 of (permalink) Old 08-13-15, 09:25 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Captain_Loken View Post
Quite entertaining. Some minor details that I would change.

The biggest one that I notice is that a trained soldier would never call a magazine a 'clip', so just be careful of your wording.

Other than that, it was a really fun read! Keep it up!
At thirty years out of the military, and that at the end of the peaceful years, I'll admit to my knowledge being pretty rusty. I went back through and found a typo (and I can't find it now. bah!), a double punctuation, and definitely a description change. Pretty bad for a piece that has been rewritten and proofed at least four times.

Any faults you come across, don't hesitate to point out. When the money is good, I keep a membership to The Writers Village where it is incumbent that everyone in each class give feedback to each other, so I am used to blind spots being pointed out to me. Anything I like will be followed! In this instance, clip was used to avoid magazine being repeated too quickly.

Actually, if anyone would like a glimpse into how The Village works, there is a free introductory class that starts twice a year - one being in just a couple weeks - August 26th. F2K3 is a 7 week course, each week's lesson is run by a mentor and all work is graded by peer review. After I took the F2K class a few years back, my writing improved quite a bit and I would suggest that if anyone has the time, sign up for the class. I found the class worth it.

The Book of Grudges will know their name.

The Worlds of J.D. Barbera

Last edited by Treesnifer; 08-13-15 at 09:38 AM.
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