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post #3 of (permalink) Old 08-03-15, 08:33 PM
Myen'Tal
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Hey, Treesnifer, this is a solid beginning to your revised story. There's a lot of potential here that I think you'll tap into ;). Though, I will say that I was a little confused who the factions were. I had forgotten you mentioned it was a squat story. At first I was thinking of Chaos Space Marines when you said Bezerkers, then Imperial Guard when you mentioned some of the troops. You don't really make a mention of squats until much later in your beginning. I would mention them earlier, imo.

Overall, I really like it. Will be following.

“Evil is relative…You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger.”
-Glen Cook, The Black Company


Tales of Heroism and Bravery, in the 41st Millennium and the Old World. Perhaps some Realm Gate Wars in the future .

Gods' Hall (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=161618

The New Word (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=121879
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