Love the beginning, Beavis, didn't expect a storming by some old characters
. Over all, I liked what I read, though I do have some suggestions for you.
1. Imperial Fists mainly recruit from Terra, or so I think. If that ever gets brought up, Carrus' sons should be have been sent to Terra for recruitment.
2. Space Marines usually cut all family ties the day they are recruited, I see you've already written a good deal with Nathan being involved, so I guess I'm just pointing that out
3. I haven't brought this up till now, because English may not be your first language. You have a tendency to create long run-on sentences. I think you've been improving, but if you ever want any help, you can always pm me
. Not trying to tell you how to write or anything, just trying to help
Looking forward to more!