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post #4 of (permalink) Old 07-11-13, 10:51 AM
Dave T Hobbit
Tzeentch laughs at likely
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Dave T Hobbit's Flag is: Europe
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Inside my Head, Bristol, UK
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A solid story.

I found the single line paragraphs hard to read and slightly distracting. I feel it would flow better if you used a mixture of long and short paragraphs.
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