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post #2 of (permalink) Old 07-03-13, 03:26 PM
Dave T Hobbit
Tzeentch laughs at likely
 
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Good integration of flashbacks.

This clause did not flow for me:

...Imperial Guard who, with razors, had carved blasphemous marks into their skin.

I feel it would work better as:

...Imperial Guard who had carved blasphemous marks into their skin with razors.
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