Without further ado, I present to you my entry for his month's HOES.
(The line of thoughts of a renegade space marine and his wish to be gifted absolute clarity.)
Veiled Clarity- (1017 words without title)
He had always felt this feeling lurking in the back of his mind.
No, not always. Though it was awfully close.
How long had it been? A millennium? Two?
It didn’t matter, for the glory he had earned back then no longer had any meaning, not to him or his kin.
It had been a dozen lifetimes of service to a false Imperium which existed to serve a single man, a single man which was seen as a god.
A dying god, little more than a withered corpse.
Suddenly he had experienced a moment of clarity, a moment of utmost serenity in which everything made sense, everything just fell into place.
That very moment he knew what it was like to be touched by an actual god, a true deity, one worthy of devotion.
For such clarity could not have been brought upon him by a power any less powerful than the true gods of the universe, the ones he had once spat upon and of which he had smitten countless servants…
He could no longer remember that moment of clarity, though he was close to reliving it, that was what the signs were telling him at least.
Images of bird headed creatures lurked at the edge of his sight and their voices whispered distantly in his mind, promising him to relive the moment of clarity if he was to continue his service to their master.
Were the creatures responsible or was the feeling in the back of his mind what guided him?
His kin had tried telling him the creatures and the feeling were the same thing, though he never considered this, nor would he ever consider this. For he knew they were different, the feeling and the creatures, he had told himself so on many occasions.
They, his kin, wouldn’t be able to tell the difference from how he explained things to them, they couldn’t tell. For he, and he alone had been granted the images and the whispers at the edge of his senses and only he had experienced pure bliss through the clarity he had been gifted.
Only he had been blessed and there was a reason why he had been granted this gift instead of another.
It was because he was better, better than the others, and he knew it.
He had always been better… He had always been the best of them…
Once he had dared to proclaim the skill of an opponent did not matter, for he would best them.
He didn’t need to consider the odds of winning a battle, for they were always in his favor.
It had been that way when he wore a marble Aquila on his chest guard and it had remained that way when he turned the ornate stone to simple dust beneath his boots.
This too served as proof to him that his new purpose was right, as he had concluded during his moment of clarity so many centuries ago.
What did it feel like?
Was it his hunger to experience true clarity, to know all there was to know and understand it with such absolute certainty of his purpose?
Or was it a feeling of pride, seeing how he had once been granted a gift which defied reason, knowing he would only be granted such a moment again if he rose his sword in another’s name, against those he had once called brother?
Was it mere greed? Simply wanting to feel the clarity again, not wanting anyone else to receive such a blessing.
Was it despair? No longer knowing what the experience was like, only to know it was absolute and that he needed to feel it once more.
He didn’t know, but perhaps that was exactly what the feeling was, the fact the clarity had resulted in a lack of clarity.
All he knew is that it was more proof of his superiority, the chosen one amongst his kin.
Their purpose was to follow him, THEY WOULD FOLLOW HIM.
He would lead them, the few of them that still drew breath.
They would fulfill their purpose, all of them, bringing about a new moment of clarity one day. That moment of clarity would give him- them, new purpose, a new mission.
And that moment was closing, like witnessing dawn he could see the light appear ahead of the actual sun.
There was no sun yet, but dawn had come none the less.
He couldn’t explain how he knew, he doubted whether he could ever understand it himself.
The creatures which always lay dormant at the edge of his sight hadn’t moved in centuries, but now, as he withdrew his blade from the abdomen of a warrior clad in white ceramite and lowered the blade he had used to decapitate the warrior only a second ago, he saw the bird headed creatures open their beaks, as if grinning at him, approving of his actions and their outcome.
With a thump the warrior in white ceramite fell down, breaking his line of thought.
All other sounds died in the echo of the thump, the wind lay down and he felt serenity as the whispers in his head became more apparent, more noticeable.
He wept as he felt another’s warm blood streaming down his face, comforting him as he came to the realization it was time.
His eye widened as he tried to close them and the whispers became voices, speaking in tongues that had not been spoken in thousands of years, yet he knew what they were saying.
He was to prepare for what was to come and stop thinking, for all would be clear to him in a few seconds.
The feeling ebbed away, the voices lay down, his senses heightened as a new moment of clarity enveloped him, granting him pure bliss.
When it faded he had forgotten what he had experienced, forcing him to butcher again if he wanted to experience it again.
It would remain this way for the rest of his existence, though he didn’t consider that.
For he knew it when everything was clear.
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Lord Bane says: "Keep your water bill low, drink more beer!"
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