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post #11 of (permalink) Old 09-07-12, 02:32 AM
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maelstrom48's Flag is: USA
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Afghanistan
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First original work I've read on here, and I have to say, I'm encouraged! You have a talent for description. I actually liked how you alternated between the old man's emotion and the events that caused it. The ending leaves me a little uncertain--did the events of the story actually take place? If so, how did he end up in the hospital? But I feel maybe it makes more sense that he murdered his daughter and, in his ensuing coma, dreamed up the purgatory he's trapped in. Not sure; some clarity would be nice. All the same, I again admire your description of his emotional state throughout.
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