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post #7 of (permalink) Old 08-31-12, 12:26 PM
Dave T Hobbit
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1st Place: Bloody Mary, Of Beasts and Men, 3 pts
2nd Place: andygorn, Purpose Renewed, 2 pts
3rd Place: Adrian, Inquisitor Repentant, 1 pt

Adrian, Inquisitor Repentant: The Inquisitor's struggle between chaos and faith seems a real struggle without a certain outcome. The ending seems a natural evolution.

andygorn, Purpose Renewed: Another good portrayal of how chaos assaults the mind. I really like the crescendo of events.

Bloody Mary, Of Beasts and Men: The action is punchy and well described; the description of the character's emotional states are believable and contrast well with the action.

Liliedhe, The Choice: The reasons for the protagonist's actions were very believable, and the last lines captured the futility of 40K very well. However I felt it could have benefited from a more developed antagonist.

Rems, Flickering Embers: The descriptions of the events in the assault were varied without the metaphors feeling forced.

Romero's Own, Apostasy: The portrayal of Sororitas close-mindedness was great; however, the discussion in the middle of a battlefield felt forced. There were also a few run-on sentences of doom: "It wasn't good to be confused on the battlefield, especially when said battlefield involved battle against Sisters of Battle bringing battle to those seeking to battle against Man, the Emperor and the cult based on said emperor."

son of azurman, The Return of Knight Brightsword: The idea was interesting. However, parts felt more like a describing events than showing their impact on the protagonist.

VulkansNodosaurus, Written in Steel: The twist at the end was well done; it felt natural for the daemon to give support based on ideals and not allegiance.

Zinegata, Where True Loyalties Lie: I liked the idea and it is well written; however, it felt too much as if it were an extract instead of a complete story.
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