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post #2 of (permalink) Old 07-10-12, 11:19 AM
Dave T Hobbit
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The scene is detailed and I like the hook at the end.

However, some of the grammar seems slightly wrong to me. For example:
"...as winged beasts leered and grimaced from their perches, skulls grinned from on-high, and volt-powered screens unscroll messages of faith to tens of scores of thousands...."
The tense of the last verb does not match the rest: it would work better if they were either all present or all past.
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