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post #2 of (permalink) Old 08-25-11, 03:19 AM
Ambush Beast
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Ambush Beast's Flag is: USA
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Vancouver Washington
Posts: 579
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Default Hello.

When I first started out I was as good as you are now. I was not content to stay so undeveloped and took the help other people blessed me with.

I have paragraphed and corrected spelling and sentence structure somewhat.

I have thrown out some ideas, but by no means do you have to do it like me. These are just ideas that may help you out.

When changing from one person to another person it is good to specify who is talking. The story does not make sense if you do not know who is looking at who, or who is talking to whom.

Sentence structure is very important, as is grammar and punctuation.

Write out your idea first, then read it out loud. If the story does not sound good to you, it will not sound good to other people. If you are unsure about the usage of grammar or punctuation, ask someone who may know.

You can get a free collage education if you pay close attention to published authors and the way they structure their own work.

Take your time, don't quit and learn all you can. A story starts with an idea but is rarely ready for print until you have taken your time with it.

Hopefully this helps. I could not fix everything, as somethings are left for the creator of the idea to edit.

Originally Posted by 777swappamag777 View Post
Tearser #2
__________________________________________________ ____________________________

The ringing was all he could concentrate on. The constant buzz of that damn ringing (flooded) flodded his head as if it was the only noise he could hear.

The (ringing) rining poured on until he thought it was his time to finally die.

It was the second explosion that brought him back into reality. He (instinctively) instinctivley screwed his eyes shut to avoid temporary blindness from the flash.

He (laid) layed where he was for a minute letting the mud swallow him into the ground then yanked his foot clear as laser-fire raced above his head.

(He checked his body for injuries and shrapnel and was relieved to find that his body was intact.) injuries he thought and chcked his body for shrapnel only found none.

(insert name of your character here) risked a look over the lip of the (crater) crator that had become his sanctuary, and was rewarded with the sight of Sergeant Briding's scrambling form running from cover and dashing into the (crater) crator where he turned to (insert name of your character here) and asked, 'How many fingers am I holding up?'

'Three.' (insert name of your character here)

'State your name and rank.'

'Lance Corporal Darin Saggius Corval.' he answered.

Congratulations Lance Corporal you are cleared for field duty. 'Your with squad B, right?'

'Yes sir.'

'Lucky man. Your squads got the best cover in the company now move it and I'll cover you from here. Stay low but move fast or your dead.'

Lance Corporal Darin Saggius Corval raced from the hole trying to keep low as he dashed to the blown out building his squad was taking refuge in.

Once inside he was greated by his squad mates. Zink gave him a pat on his back, Brakker a nod and Cyrene a smile as she handed him his lasgun.

'We thought you were dead. Doc couldn't get a pulse so we left you.' (insert name of person speaking) said.

Before the conversation could continue a shadow loomed over hab district 78956741 blacking out hopes, dreams and life like death speaking to a child.

We move slowly through the shrouds of fog sending pestilence before us. There is no hope! We are the Death Guard. Fear us for we are coming for you!
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