Emperor's Shadow Fluff - suggestions wanted

 
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Emperor's Shadow Fluff - suggestions wanted

Homebrew 40k Fluff

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  #1 Old 02-06-12, 09:16 PM Emperor's Shadow Fluff - suggestions wanted
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Default Emperor's Shadow Fluff - suggestions wanted

Hey guys, I am doing a small competition for my local GW. It is a painting and fluff competition for an Unknown, or rarely seen Space Marine chapter. I chose the Emperor's Shadow because I liked their shoulder pads Here is a WiP of my Marine and below a WiP of the fluff. I hope you guys like it and if you have any suggestions, please please please share! I'm more than happy to consider any and all critiques and suggestions.





Fluff:
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Sitting behind a large desk, much too large for any human, First Commander Kesuke Miyagi poured over dataslates that were left in his possession. Among them were notifications of Astartes that have fallen in battle and notes of battles won and lost. One particular dataslate was set aside from the others. Miyagi, an extraordinarily large man by human standards got up from his desk and paced while avoiding the last dataslate. He moved over to a locked closet, turned an old fashioned key and stared at the suit of armor hidden within. His mood darkened as his hand touched the black helmet. Just then, his student, Laruso Danielson, entered the room.
“I’m sorry to interrupt Commander Miyagi.” He said as he caught a glimpse of the strange suit of armor. A questioning look crossed Danielson’s face, but he did not say more. Miyagi looked over his shoulder. Nodding, he opened the closet allowing the suit of black, crimson and teal to be fully exposed. “What is that Commander? I’m not familiar with those markings.” Danielson said as he walked closer to the strange armor. Miyagi fingered the decorated shoulder pad and offered a distant smile.
“This suit of armor belongs to a chapter called The Emperor’s Shadow.” Miyagi watched Danielson’s reaction to the name and saw only a blank look. Walking towards his desk, Miyagi guided his protégé to follow. “Let me tell you about the Shadows; about those who stalked their prey in the night and struck without mercy. The Shadows were everywhere, yet no one knew. Enemies never heard them; they never knew what hit them if the Shadows had them in their sights. The Shadows were the most feared and the most secretive of all the loyal Astartes chapters. Their history is shrouded in mystery, but I am here to allow you to hear about these brave Marines.” Miyagi sat down once again and offered a seat to Danielson. As the younger Astartes took his seat, Miyagi continued his story. “No one knows exactly when the Shadows were created. It could have been before Horus’ treachery against the Emperor. Most historians believe they were a group of Iron Hands that broke away from their chapter after the Betrayal. I will tell you that the Shadows were in fact a group of specialists within the Iron Hands since the chapter’s inception. They were the elite of the elite; quiet assassins that never let their prey live.” Miyagi’s wise brown eyes leveled on his young apprentice and pressed his fingers together. “Do you understand what I am telling you?” Danielson nodded slowly, his eyes looking at the suit of armor with wide eyes
“Yes, sir. You were a member of such a chapter?” Miyagi nodded,
“Aye, Danielson.” Miyagi said simply.
Danielson could not be seated any longer. He stood and walked over to the suit. It was polished and well cared for. One kneepad was decorated in a greenish blue color and the face plate was a crimson red color. He could tell that the lenses were the greenish blue color the kneepad held. The rest of the suit was black as night. The only thing that seemed out of place in this pristine suit was the shoulder pad. There a piece of aged yellowing cloth was attached by thick metal rings. “Sir, what is this symbol?” he asked, pointing to the red circle that was sewn into the cloth. “That, Danielson, is what the people of Terra call a Bonsai Tree. It is an ancient life form with strength within a small package. It is a small tree that is grown within a pot. Much like the Shadows, it is smaller than its brethren and can easily be overlooked. It sits in a rising sun which is, of course, symbolic of the magnificence of our Emperor.” Danielson nodded and closed the closet. He returned to his seat and looked down at the desktop.
“Commander, why did the Shadows disband?” he asked after much consideration of his words
“We were no longer needed. We continue to work within various chapters.” Miyagi folded his hands and leaned back. “You would have done well in this chapter, Danielson. I’ve seen many qualities in you that are very similar to those that have served the Emperor’s Shadow.”
Danielson lifted his head, a look of pride on his face, “I am glad you think so, Commander.” He stretched out his hand and gave another dataslate to Miyagi. “This is what I came to give you, I’ve been chosen to go on a mission to Haltor IV. I wanted to thank you personally for all of your help and training Commander.”
Miyagi took the dataslate, looked at it briefly and nodded. “I am pleased that you have been chosen for this mission. I look forward to seeing you again.” He stood, made the sign of the Aquila, and nodded solemnly, “For the Emperor.”
“For the Emperor!” Danielson made the sign of the Aquila, turned on his heel and left the room.
“Do you think it wise you told him about the Shadow?” A voice asked after the door had shut
“I think it was very wise. Danielson will prove himself the most loyal of Marines; he will be a fine replacement for Alli.” Miyagi finally picked up the dataslate he had been avoiding. “The transfer of Alli to his new body has been complete. He will join those others that have fallen in the form of a Dreadnought.”
“That is good news, Miyagi. You’ve done well.” A Marine dressed in the colors of the Emperor’s Shadow stepped into the light of the office and nodded. “We will make sure Danielson knows what is required of him. He will be listed as killed in action, his gene seed lost.”
With that, Miyagi nodded and resumed his work. The Shadow was already gone.
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  #2 Old 02-09-12, 10:06 AM Emperor's Shadow Fluff - suggestions wanted
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Nice story.

And I say story, not fluff because there is a difference.

If you were looking to write some more substantial fluff, you should check out Baron Spikey's Chapter Background Generator. That will give you more of an idea on what you need to write.

If you would like more feedback on a story or a painted model, I would recommend posting pics and threads in the relevant sections.

Pics can go in Modelling and Painting and short stories can go in Original Works. You will find a greater quantity of responses from people who know the right stuff. Trust me, I use both sections.
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  #3 Old 02-12-12, 04:18 PM Emperor's Shadow Fluff - suggestions wanted
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Ahh thank you! I just saw the original works section today
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