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post #41 of 52 (permalink) Old 10-16-11, 09:48 AM
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So, this one is (I think) one of those "you had to be there" moments, but here goes:
This is D&D 4e, and I am a massive (6'9" 310lbs) Dragonborn fighter, and I wield a fullblade (just about the biggest sword that one CAN wield). This is very early in the campaign, and I've had little luck with my rolls.
I am currently engaged in combat with a bugbear, and have spent the last 4 rounds doing minimal damage, and stunning the hell out of it (fullblade to the ankle, anyone?). I am, quite understandably, sick and tired of this thing not dying, so I decide to do the most cruel thing that I can think of. I reach below the beast's belt, and perform my first sex-change operation (natural 20 FTW). Oddly enough, this actually deals enough damage that the thing dies on the spot.
I didn't hear the end of it until I missed a night, and in my infinite wisdom, allowed another player to run my character. He got tar in his eyes. They tried to burn the tar off. He died. The end.

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post #42 of 52 (permalink) Old 11-16-11, 04:45 AM
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During a game of Black Crusade:

Me( Heretek): Gentlemen, I have repaired our Rhino after you idiots drove it into a moat. Not only that, but I have given it a new paint job!


Chaos Sorcerer: Why the fuck is it pink?

Me: Because A) I'm the Heretek and only one who knows how to repair this so shut the fuck up. Any other questions?

Chaos Champion: Where the hell did you get an AutoCannon to put on that thing?

Me: Remember our other Chaos Champion? The one who drove this Rhino into the moat and said I CAN'T build a Warhound Titan?

CC: Yeah?

Me: When he knocked out by the last Daemon encounter, I turned his ass into a servitor. He doesn't need a AutoCannon now!

And that's why no one pisses me off no more in Black Crusade!

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post #43 of 52 (permalink) Old 11-20-11, 07:31 AM
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Playing in the group of Dark Heresy that recently ended we had a very funny encounter. In necropolis at a local bar I, as a ganger scum arbitor, walk up to a half demon and charm the fuck outta her with a roll of 1. Needless to say she is liking me very much when our other arbitor walked up and rolled a 100 twice. He then shouts out for the whole store to hear, LOOK AT MY TING-TING!!! The half demon rips his face off for that.

Jesus wasn't the son of GOD, he was just a Master of Alteration.
^elder scrolls joke^

"Loyalty is its own reward."
Lion El'Jonson.

Remember: Read more Manga and other books as well!
Try: The Breaker
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post #44 of 52 (permalink) Old 12-11-11, 06:25 PM
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I was playing in a Dark Heresy group as a guardsman, and our group had just finished going through a time loop our GM came up with. So while rolling to see if any of us gain insanity for going through the loop, EVERYBODY crit fails the roll except me. I actually crit succeeded, so I gain no insanity, and lost a point of insanity. I shouted "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING **** ABOUT TIME LOOPS IM A BAD*** MUTHAF***A" My GM cracked up so much that he awarded me the Jaded talent as well xD
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post #45 of 52 (permalink) Old 12-14-11, 09:25 AM
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in my first dnd game, our wizard, in his ineffible wisdom decides to kick open a huge door while we're in the middle of a fairly tough fight. these skeleton things are giving us grief due to poor rolling and he wants to try and escape. so goes over to the door, kicks it open and immediately, a giant minotaur charges into him, throws him over his head about 4 squares and lands smack dab in the middle between an orc zombie thing and a goblin, both of whom are satanding on a platform which grants bonus damage. all this happened because the wizard thought it would be funny. his later words were "oh s**t!!!"
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post #46 of 52 (permalink) Old 01-14-12, 02:49 AM
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I've played a wide variety of roleplaying games over the years and it has led to some classics:

Boothill was a western RPG. My buddy Joe showed up late and had to make his character. He spent almost an hour tweeking out the idea he wanted and finally satisfied we get down to playing. Less than 5 minutes in, one shot to the head. Joe's reply was "Are you kidding me...Can I just play his twin brother with the same stats and everything..."

D&D 2nd edition, my buddy Rob for some reason wasn't feeling going through the whole module so right at the begining he uses a with to teleport himself and no one else right to the the demon lord's throne room. Needless to say it became a revenge mission for the rest of us.

D&D 2nd edition after a long hard fought campaign we were down to our last two characters, Matt and I both being elves. Matt falls but my rogue manages to land the final blow dropping the villian. Matt says "Now you just need to take my body somewere and get me a rez." To which I reply "You're an elf and I'm an elf, elves don't believe in that." And while he is still in shock I look at the rest of the group and say "Besides, I am chaotic neutral so I'm not getting anyone rezzed." Retired as the richest character ever to a life of sin...
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post #47 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-12, 09:25 AM
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Well, here goes:

We were sat at a banquet with the king in a D&D game and one of the other guest stands up and starts casting spells every which way... the party stand up to confront him and the famous last words of our Barberian were "its only a wizard, how hard can it be"
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post #48 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-19-12, 10:08 AM
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Here's couble legendary ones I can remember even, err after long period un-sleepyness...

Shadowrun 3rd ed: My Troll Shark Shaman, at the moment 4rd level initiative, and his mates get involved to bar fight in small bar in Alaska, and Slaughta, my shaman was the one who started it, ofcoarse. So, Slaughta gets iniative, naturally as only chahracter with move-by-wire would go faster, and GM ask what will I do. I simply say "Mä teen Raipat!" "I'll do Raippa's!" ( One of the other players, was banned earlier from hangout bar for hitting bar stool to some idiot's head ) Everybody laugh their lungs out, including Raippa...

Before LARP called Örkkikorpi II/Orcwilderness II, as orc players are putting so make-up in cparking lot. I'm painting big warpaint to my frriend's, Henkka, back:

Henkka: What are you painting?
Me: You promased that I can paint anythink I want.
Others: giggling
Henkka: What the f**k are you painting?
Me: Weeell, it's holy symbol...
Others: laughing
Henkka: (broudly & loud) Well, it is holy symbol of Spider Goddess!!!
Others: laughing out loud!!!
Me: Well, it have 8 legs or something... (while trying to stop laughing...)
Henkka: Teemu, PERKELE! (after someone told that picture in his back is meter long vulva...)

Victory is not important, but large mound of bloody skulls...
...own ones, if nothing else...
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post #49 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-14-12, 04:01 PM
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My 1st D&D game, i was in Community College and one of the teachers actually started the group, i was a dwarf, one guy was a bard, a mage and the teacher is always a paladin, we were in the tavern, and our objectice was to stop 3 level 6 thugs from causing problems, we were level one, so we had to talk them out of it, or something it's been years and hard to remember, and out of no where the bard shouts, "I smash one of the guys in the face with my Lute" then they attacked and we all died
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post #50 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-11-13, 08:00 PM
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going back to the 80's, playng a star trek intelligence game, one of the characters preferred playing the one in the background who rarely spoke, so the GM decided to appoint the captain randomly, whoever rolled the lowest dice roll became the captain.

This player rolled his dice then popped a minto into his mouth and was happily sucking away when the GM said congratulations CAPTAIN Verhoven...his character....minto went flying across the room never to be seen again...i think it must be a colony of its own by now...
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