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post #31 of 121 (permalink) Old 11-16-10, 07:54 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Doelago View Post
Sorry for not reading it earlier, I did read your PM, but I always forgot this...

Good as always, but I have one complain: Why would it take a long time for Horus, in his power armor and all to beat someone who is not wearing it? They are both Primarches, but power armor does give the user a huge advantage...

Part five... When? Where? Now? Here?
Skill and... well... Darius's 'little help' if you know what I mean

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post #32 of 121 (permalink) Old 11-29-10, 01:05 AM Thread Starter
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Part five has been changed. Those who had read the prior version of part five need to erase it from your memory. 12/7/2010
Part Five

“Eric! Come over here!”

Eric heard Eliza’s call and scuttled over to his sister. He found her and his mom having difficulty lifting a giant ore of hematite onto the cart. He raced over to Eliza’s side and helped them push the ore into the cart. The three of them collapsed onto the ground, exhausted from the effort. But without sparing a second to rest, the three of them pushed the cart up the rail, moving the ore to the opening of the mine. Eric and Eliza clung tightly to the cart, lest they be seen falling behind in the overseer’s eyes.

“Mom… I don’t think I can work anymore…” Eliza whimpered as she pushed.

“Don’t worry sweetie, just another four hours and we can find rest in the bunkers…” The mother said calmly.

With the cart loaded up onto the truck, the three of them moved down back into the mines, repeating the grueling process they just finished.

“Mom… What was that story you told us before dad went away?” Eric asked.

“Well, the story goes that one day, we shall be liberated from our captors… rumored to be from another land… And that you, me and Eliza will go far, far away from this place, and live happily ever after…”

A loud crack was heard and the mother fell over, screaming in pain. Eric and Eliza stood in horror as they saw a giant bloody gash opened on her back, blood dripping out freely.

“And such a thing will never happen you stupid human! Now stop talking about false dreams and get back, or I will put an end to your speech!”

Eric and Eliza looked behind and saw the alien overseer, grinning with delight of his caused pain. He brandished his teeth and whip to the children and their mother, smiling with sadistic power. Eric and Eliza helped their mom up and rushed down into the mine, engulfed with fear of their xeno captor. They didn’t stop crawling till they reached to where they last were. The mom then turned and sat down in exhaustion, holding back the tears from the pain of the gash. Eliza curled up next to her and clung on her arm, whimpering and crying for her. Eric on the other hand, was enraged at what the overseer had done this time; his mind broken and finally sick with all of their enslavement. He scrambled around on the ground, frantically trying to find something.

“Eric, what are you doing!?” Eliza asked, shocked by her brothers new found vigor.

“I’m tired of being a slave! I’m going to show that filthy monster never to hit our mom ever again!” Eric grunted in anger.

“But Eric, you will be killed for such an act!”

“I don’t care Eliza! I rather die fighting than live in slavery!” He said, tears of anger now running down his face.

Eric finally found what he was looking for: a sharp and cold rock. But before he could grab the stone, he felt a large tug on him, pulling him away from his tool of war. He turned around to see the same overseer, looking at him with that same horrible smile.

“I think it will take more than a rock to hurt me you stupid human. Come on, see what it can do to me!” The creature laughed, boasting his chest out as an open target.

Eric did not waste a second after his invitation. He picked up the sharp stone and hurled it at the overseer, only to watch in disappointment to see it bounce off his chest plate.

“That was a nice try you little runt. But as all the slaves know, such disobedience goes unpunished! But I see you too young to taste my whip… So maybe your mother would like to take it for you… For as we all know, mothers would do anything to protect their child…” The large over seer grinned, his head slowly turning at the mother.

He grabbed Eric’s mom and pulled her away from them, throwing her on the ground. Eric and Eliza wanted to cry out, but their mouths were locked in fear. They watched with pain to see their mother beaten and lashed by the monster. Every strike drew more and more blood, but it was the last strike that was the most brutal and bloody. The barbed whip lashed on the earth next to the mom, the recoil causing the harpoon like end to pierce her lower jaw, hooking on to it. The overseer then yanked his whip with all of his might, laughing while he pulled. With a bone breaking sound the lower jaw ripped off, throwing a trail of blood in the air. Eliza cried in absolute terror as she watched her mom stare at them with her lower jaw missing. Eric saw the tears running uncontrollably down from his mom’s face as she crawled back to them, but the overseer wasn’t done to their surprise. He grabbed her and dragged her over to the edge of a mine shaft, laughing as she kicked and thrashed. In the time of a heartbeat, the overseer threw her over the edge, Eric and Eliza speechless of the action.

“With that distraction out of the way, how about you humans get back to work!” The overseer bellowed.

Eliza broke down and cried, sobbing uncontrollably. Eric too whimpered and moaned for what the alien had done to their mom, losing what he and Eliza considered their only reason to live. The overseer on the other hand, had enough of their trauma. He walked over, waving his whip around as he was ready to give them a warning strike.

“If there is anything that makes me more infuriated than the Emperor’s enemies are those who harm innocent women and children. Those crimes are only punishable by death…”

The giant xeno stopped after those words. He turned around, only to find himself staring up in the eyes of a man of great stature and height.

“And who are you to say that I am to be punished slave?!”

“Let me bring in the light that is needed in here… for I am no slave you filthy waste of flesh.” The giant man said.

The man whipped out a small box and with a small click, the area around them was illuminated. Eric and Eliza shielded themselves from the sudden brightness, until their eyes focused once more. They looked at the man and saw that he was no slave, but a great man in golden and white armor, wielding an axe of master design in his right hand. They found his hair and beard to be brown and clean, free from any of the filth down here. They stared at him with awe… with glorious joy.

“What is…”

The giant man shot out his arm, grabbing the overseer by the neck. His grasp tightened as the overseer flailed and thrashed, trying to escape from the giant’s hold. But the more the alien struggled, the harder the pressure the man gave. The giant man slowly drew the xeno closer to his face, close enough that he could smell its foul breath.

“And these shall be the last words you will hear my disgusting friend… Mors principum est…”

And with a quick jerk, the sound of a breaking neck rang throughout the mine. Eric and Eliza were in joyous silence as they watched the body of the overseer drop to the cold earth dead. But even with their liberation of the evil alien, they were still scared to move, for the giant man was as well intimidating.

“Do not be afraid, for I am not here to bring death, but to bring life back into your broken souls. Come, we must leave this place.” The giant man beckoned.

Eric and Eliza slowly stood up and walked towards the man, approaching him with care. When they were in an arm’s reach of him, he grabbed both of them and moved quickly out of the cave. They watched in joy to see the light of day coming closer and closer to them, but all was not well from what they heard outside. Sounds of death and pain echoed into the mine from the surface, changing Eric’s mind about the man. But before he could make the conclusion that this man was to do them harm, he saw a sight that he has dreamed all along. Hundreds and hundreds of golden armored men marched towards the aliens that have taken Eric and his people into bondage. They wielded weapons of war that he has never even dreamed of, blasting away at the alien. The enemy fought back, but their skill and weapons were no match against the armor of these mysterious saviors. He could see the armored men pushing them back, slowly removing them from the earth. As they did this, they cried out “urbes constituit aetas, hora dissolvit!”

“Do not be afraid my child, we do no harm to humanity, to your people. Go now, there is a ship that is ready to take you far away from this scene.” The giant man said as he put them down on the ground.

Eric and Eliza were about to depart the man, but curiosity caught the better of Eric.

“Sir… May I ask who you are?”

The giant man turned around and smiled. “I am Michael, the leader of the 1st company of the Archangels.”

The next thing Eric saw was Michael running off, axe in hand, charging into the fray with his brethren.

“My lord, here are the reports of the conquest of Phobia Prime.”

Captain Michael handed a small packet of paper and a data slip to Darius. The primarch grabbed the report and skimmed over the details, eyeing over the main facts.

“May I ask what were the casualties and tolls of this liberation?” Darius asked, his eyes still glued to specific pages.

“1st, 2nd and 8th companies suffered very little losses. The Yoggoths have been purged as you have ordered my lord, and all of the civilian population under enslavement has been relocated and integrated into the Imperium.” Michael proudly replied.

“That is excellent! I shall record this report in the Tomica Battilica. In the mean time, refresh your men and equipment… We strike Delphi in two days time!” Darius said, excusing Michael as he strode off to his room.

“My lord! The orks have taken the eastern front of our line! If we hold such positions any longer we will lose our left flank!”

Darius listened to the words of Captain Gabriel, but did not respond to them. Instead he stared straight at the enemy in the short distance away, watching the orks go toe-to-toe against his seraphim assault squad and marines.
“My lord, are there any orders for this?” Gabriel asked impatiently.

Darius slowly turned his head towards his captain’s eyes. “Take your seraphim squad and crush the opponents on the eastern front, removing the instant threat over there. Spread word to Captain Michael to do the same on the right flank, equalizing forces on both ends. In the mean time, I shall dispatch this warboss myself. If he falls, so do these disgusting xenos… Go now.”

“How are you going to grab the attention of that brute? His position is too far for him to spot you in the thick of battle!”

Darius smiled “A warboss is always seen in the best of battle… And the best of battle always seem to tag along wherever I go… Attracting him would be no problem… Go now.”

Gabriel nodded at the order and rallied the veteran assault marines under his wing. Darius on the other hand closed his eyes and dulled his senses, mentally drifting away from the battle. As he slowly entered his state of peace, he began to repeat the phrase “Aequam memento rebus in arduis servare mentem” over and over again under his breath. He continued chanting the old words until he felt calm and steady, blurring all outside influences and distractions. When he was in his deepest state of tranquility, he opened his eyes, pulled out his blade, and within a heartbeat, strode into the front lines of the orks. Darius walked confidently into the fray of xenos, still repeating the golden phrase from earlier. The orks attention was drawn to Darius immediately as soon as he entered the chaos, hewing and hacking at the offenders in front of him. Screaming and howling with excitement and bloodlust, the green skins launched themselves onto the angelic primarch, hoping to take his head as a trophy. But all those who tested Darius in combat were hewn down by his blade. More and more orks joined in against Darius as he finished wave after wave of them. But all met the same fate by his blade. Such death and carnage among the ork ranks finally drew the attention of their leader, warboss Ead’ Eater. He watched Darius’s waltz of death with excitement and joy, finding him to be an excellent candidate for another trophy.

“Well well well, looky ‘ere boyz!” Ead’Eater smiled. “Da kream of da krop decides to join da battle.”

Ead’Eater strolled forward in front of his guard, gesturing that they stay behind. “Watch how dis is done ya gitz! Day don’t call me Ead’Eater for nothing!” The gargantuan ork laughed.

The warboss steam rolled over the ranks behind the ork front lines, heading straight over towards Darius, screaming his personal war cry. Visions of glory and victory filled the massive ork’s mind as he approached the primarch, ready to tear the human apart limb by limb. But unknown to Ead’Eater, Darius was well aware of his coming. The xeno warlord launched himself over the other orks, smashing into the ground right in front of Darius. He growled and howled, sending the boys away from the two of them, signifying that this was his fight. While Ead’Eater invoked fear to all of that surrounded him, Darius was not impressed with his display.

“You know I have been waiting for some time to meet you.” Darius smiled. “I was beginning to think that you were too scared to fight me.”

“Too scared?! All’ight ya stoopid humie, if you thinks your betta than me and my boyz, thens ya gonna ‘ave to prove it!” Ead’Eater snarled.

“Fine, whatever makes you happy and warm inside…” Darius chuckled.

Ead’Eater roared as he charged over. The massive ork raised his two power claws over Darius, screaming at the top of his lungs. The giant slammed the ground with all of his strength, shaking and tearing up the earth around him. He lifted his claws to see if he obliterated the champion, but to his dismay, he missed.

“For such a big warrior you do have poor aim…” Darius mocked.

Ead’Eater turned around to see the primarch still alive and well. Without thought, he again lunged at Darius, ripping up the ground as he moved. But as before, Darius moved to the side, letting the warboss crash into the ground away from him. Ead’Eater was getting annoyed at this cowardly behavior.

“If ya so strong and tuff, why don’t cha fight!?” He bellowed with anger.

“Well, I see that you are quite anxious to taste my blade…” Darius smiled again, gesturing him to come and duel.

The ork warlord sprinted towards Darius, telling himself over and over again that he would not fall to such a clumsy move again. But as Ead’Eater raised his right arm to strike, Darius lunged in and thrusted his blade into the xeno’s heart. It screamed with agony as the blood poured from the open wound, the monster landing face first into the ground. Ead’Eater rolled on his back and looked at his chest, finding it covered with earth and enormous amounts of blood.

“Dis can’t be! I can’t be defeeted!” Ead’Eater moaned in disbelief as he tried to get up.

Darius slashed at the warboss’s legs and arms as he walked up towards his head, destroying his ability to get up. He then walked on top of the beast and spoke softly to him in the ear while he was holding his throat:

“Mors ultima linea rerum est…”

And with one final movement, Darius plunged the blade straight through the throat of Ead’Eater. Chaos erupted within the ork ranks as they all turned on each other to take the position of warboss. Nobs began to fight and argue amongst themselves to see who is the biggest while the lesser orks fought against the nobs they didn’t support in leadership. This insanity was just what the marines needed to break the stalemate. With no sense of order, the orks were gunned down by bolter fire, plasma fire and chain weapons. The once unstoppable green tide began to recede as Darius and his Archangels steamrolled the disorganized orks, ending the battle. Within hours, Ead’Eaters army was diminished and removed from the wooded valley, leaving the majority of the planet open for conquest.

“My trusted brothers in arms, tonight I would like to commemorate you all for your outstanding leadership in the Axiom campaign and the liberation of the system. I have seen many great captains from this legion and my brothers, but I have to say you are the finest the Imperium has! A toast to the Emperor, the Imperium, and the Archangels!”

“To the Imperium!” Cried the captains.

Darius and his captains sat at the marble table and took a drink from their golden chalices, celebrating their victory and liberation of the Axiom system. Such a small celebration of the conquest was a warm welcome for Darius. For the next couple of hours he drank and talked with his captains, going over battles and other events of old. But as the time drew on the marines understood that they needed to get back to work. Darius excused them for this and was left alone in the grand hall, sitting at the end of the mammoth marble table. While wine and alcohol never had any effect on him, for some strange reason it made his a little sleepy this time. Understanding that he hadn’t slept in over two weeks, he decided that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to take a small nap, justifying that it is necessary for a leader to rest once in a while.

The smell of incense and rot overcame Darius as he slowly opened his eyes. Such a smell and aroma was not present in the great hall, and of that he awoke in alarm. Instead he found himself in a stone corridor, lined with columns and torches of royalty, all something too familiar. He looked around and found himself alone, the dim light his only companion in the royal hall. As he tried to get up from the floor, he found to his surprise that his movement was slightly limited. Darius looked down and found himself wearing a beautiful silver breast plate, adorned with lions and eagles. He also found the styles of his new garments he was wearing to be that of military attire, boasting black and red as the main colors. But the most attention drawing thing was the sword on his left side. It was no ordinary sword, but the blade that he uses in life! This baffled him, for prior visions such as these he never had an object that was with him outside of the dream besides his clothes.

This new clothing and armor looked so familiar to him, but to his dismay he couldn’t remember where he last saw it! But aside from his new wardrobe, everything else felt familiar. The mosaics and frescos were still bold and beautiful and the architecture still clean and royal. But the torches he noticed were dim and dying, burning with a rotting odor that smelled like burning flesh. He could smell that this odor was coming from the royal chambers, a place he remembers too well for its decadence and decay. Deciding to investigate, Darius strode down the corridor. While moving towards the door, a sensation made him feel that he was going to do something on the other side… something like finishing a personal task that dealt with an individual. He was about to push the doors open but found the handles to be chained together with an ornate padlock of steel. Darius didn’t know what to do at first with this lock, but an eerie feeling drew him to his back pocket behind the sash. From there he drew a black steel key of great weight. Immediately he put the key in the lock, listening to the key working the mechanics inside. With a snap and loud crash, the doors were unbarred. With a push with his left hand, he opened the doors.

The foul odor of blood, rot and decay overcame Darius as he entered the chamber. The scene was all too familiar: the royalty of the court were in a state of cannibalistic ecstasy and rape. All were engaged in acts of sensual pleasure and torture, doing that which is most abominable. While at first Darius was disgusted at this, he soon felt a creepy feeling that he wanted them to do this… Like as if it was keeping their attention away from him… away from noticing on what was about to happen soon. There at the other end of the room was the king and his queen, who was chained up next to him crying out for lust and pain. Darius walked across the room, moving around the bodies of the defiled deceased. He stood in front of the king and queen, disgusted at their deteriorated state. Rather than asking why such things were happening in the room, he instead yelled and shouted at the king, calling him a fool and a worthless weak worm. The king begged him to stop yelling at him, confused at Darius’s rage. Darius bent over him and stared straight into the mad man’s eyes, but froze once he got a better look at him. The king was no ordinary man, but the Emperor himself from reality. Darius looked at the queen also, seeing the double eagle symbol burned on her forehead. But rather than try to figure out why the Emperor was in this vision, an uncontrollable rage overwhelmed him. He pulled out his white blade and smote off the king and queen’s head, cursing at their foolishness and incompetence as rulers. Their death silenced the royalty in the room, staring in horror at what Darius had done. But he did not pause there.

Darius strode to the closest prince, blade held in hand. He grabbed the man’s golden hair, pulling him up to meet him at eye level. The broken man pleaded, bur Darius did not listen. He took his blade and smote him on the neck, with his body hitting the cold floor. Darius stared at the head, finding it to look exactly like Sanguinius. But the realization did not faze him from his purge. He moved to the next duke, a white haired man sodomizing a corpse of a dead woman. With a flash of light, the man laid dead on the ground, his heart pierced and groin removed. He went onto the next prince, a chained up man, barking and screaming like a dog. Darius brought a swift end to that miserable person. Again and again the royalty met his blade, and again and again he found that the royalty he smote looked exactly like his brothers in life. He continued one for a while, but found that there were too many of them to finish it off alone. Without any thought, he cried for aid, summoning additional butchers to this slaughter. The doors burst open with soldiers charging in, taking part in cleaning out the corrupted royalty. Screams of death and pain from the depraved aristocracy rang in the room until they were no more. Darius and his troops left the room, celebrating the cleansing of the corrupted king.

He walked out to the main doors, he soldiers standing by him. Through the gate, Darius stared over thousands upon thousands of people and troops, celebrating him with cleaning out the corrupted government. Without any thinking or control, he preached and spoke about a new era among this people, a golden and prosperous era. He talked about uniting this world under one glorious banner of his rule. The people supported and lauded his words, yelling and chanting that he is the new king. Everyone but one man was in joy. Darius saw to his right hand a young man, the young man of the prior vision, not too pleased about this speech.

Darius woke up, his mind murky and hazy from his nap. He looked around the room and found that he was alone in the great hall. He sighed and realized that he had another disturbing vision. But this one, compared to the others, was different. He felt that he was taking in part of the dream, not watching it. The actions and events he recalled were blurry and murky, but he knew that he was not idle in the vision. He needed to talk to someone about these visions…

Last edited by ThatOtherGuy; 12-08-10 at 04:11 AM. Reason: Fixed some shitty dialog
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post #33 of 121 (permalink) Old 11-30-10, 11:52 AM
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awwww shiet.
this story is epic

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post #34 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-01-10, 02:17 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you. I personally felt this chapter was a little rushed, could come back and fix a few lines here and there.

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post #35 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-05-10, 01:04 AM Thread Starter
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okay, fixed the dialog in part five at the end. Makes more sense now.

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post #36 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-06-10, 09:48 PM
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If we are to be honest, this one was the weakest chapter thus far... I dont know why, it just felt a bit rushed... And well... Wrong, at moments... Not sure what I think you should change, but it was OK, but as I said, not your best...

[Flerden] 9:05 pm: Why the hell can't he just go offline if he goes to watc tv?
[dark angel] 9:06 pm: It is Doelago, we will never know
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post #37 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-06-10, 11:19 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Doelago View Post
If we are to be honest, this one was the weakest chapter thus far... I dont know why, it just felt a bit rushed... And well... Wrong, at moments... Not sure what I think you should change, but it was OK, but as I said, not your best...
Yeah I agree that it felt a little rushed, I've just been having a hard time finding time for writing and stuff. Also, what is it do you find wrong at moments? I mean, this is a little much for people to have to have their fluff set in stone, so I can understand. But hey, when I get the time, I can definitely go back and clean this part up.

...But in the end, the next part will be much better, I promise.

EDIT: Part five is re-written.

Last edited by ThatOtherGuy; 12-08-10 at 04:26 AM.
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post #38 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-09-10, 03:54 PM Thread Starter
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any thoughts on the new edited part?

Also, part six won't be up for a long time. Peace.

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post #39 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-12-10, 11:10 PM Thread Starter
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Has anyone noticed the new part five? I would like some feed back.

Also, should I create some illustrations for this if anyone is interested?

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post #40 of 121 (permalink) Old 01-12-11, 02:27 PM
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