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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-01-10, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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Narration Box

Just thought Id spam my webcomic so I could get some feed back on it before it gets to many pages.
here it is... So tell me what you think, and yes I realise there is a spelling error on page 2!

Be angry and harsh if you like!


Last edited by zabo; 05-03-10 at 02:18 AM.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-03-10, 02:19 AM Thread Starter
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Edit* added a spoiler!
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-03-10, 02:36 AM
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The drawings are cool, and i'm always up for zombie comics. The style reminds me of walking dead.

I have to say though, i found the narrative from page 4 onwards pretty hard to follow.


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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-03-10, 02:45 AM Thread Starter
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Hmmm would you suggest anything? I am really open minded, whats confusing? is it because it jumps from one setting to the next? Or you don't know where you are at the moment?
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-03-10, 02:59 AM Thread Starter
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Oh, wait I know... its the blood on his hands huh!
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-08-10, 02:31 AM
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You need to make another one. I have no idea what this is about.


Guess what! YOU JUST LOST THE GAME!
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-08-10, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zabo View Post
Oh, wait I know... its the blood on his hands huh!
Well it's this and a few other things. The girl in the car shoots the soldier and then in the next panel she is unconcious? I assume the soldier knocked her out but it's very vague. I'm also assuming the prisoner shat himself in the car, and didn't physically take a shit in the car, but the dialogue and the need for teh car to be cleaned out points towards the latter.

We're also 11 pages in and i don't know anyone's name, agenda or backstory.

I do genuinely like the art style and the framing is very well done, but to me it feels like your trying to tell too much story too quickly.


My Salamander Logs & Army Showcase:
The Ashbringers 3rd co. ::: Into the fires of Battle:::Army Showcase


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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-10, 10:30 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Varakir View Post
Well it's this and a few other things. The girl in the car shoots the soldier and then in the next panel she is unconcious? I assume the soldier knocked her out but it's very vague. I'm also assuming the prisoner shat himself in the car, and didn't physically take a shit in the car, but the dialogue and the need for teh car to be cleaned out points towards the latter.

We're also 11 pages in and i don't know anyone's name, agenda or backstory.

I do genuinely like the art style and the framing is very well done, but to me it feels like your trying to tell too much story too quickly.
yeah I guess your right, it really bothers me too, umm about the girl, I thought it was self explanitory but when the car tipped over she slowley lost conciousness. But I agree, and I am going to do... something about it, just dont know what! Oh and now that we are up to 13 pages, the characters finally get names.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-10, 10:36 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toalewa850 View Post
You need to make another one. I have no idea what this is about.
Its about zombies dude.
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